Dear Colby,

I'm reading the most incredible book right now. It's called Jantsen's Gift, and it's the true story of how a woman survives the loss of her son by helping far less fortunate children in other countries. Even though I had no idea about the conditions these children live in in Vietnam, Cambodia, several countries in Africa and many, many other places around the world, I almost feel as if I know this woman and could/would trade places with her.

Colby, the stories she told about losing her son have been gut-wrenching for me to read. I can relate to every single thought and emotion she experienced following his death. But the hope that she is giving me is unreal. It's almost like I should write her a letter to thank her for finally giving me hope. I feel like maybe there is a light, that there is more to life.

And here's the other thing… Nikki still has that money that people donated to your memorial fund, and she said she will sign it over to me whenever I'm ready. But, I'm just not ready because I haven't a clue what to do with it. I've wanted so badly to do something incredible with it- something you would be proud of. But tonight, actually just now, I realized that if you were here, you would trust me with the money. You would know that I wouldn't do anything with it without having the best intentions at heart, and you would go along with whatever decision I made. All this is to say, that although I still don't have a clue what to do with it, one of these days I will figure it out. And no matter what decision I make, I know you would have been proud. I miss you so much every single day. I love you.