Dear Colby,

Did you ever feel so sad that it felt like your heart was going to rip out of your chest? I hope you didn't because it sucks. Actually, I've been thinking a lot lately how in a strange way, you are lucky. I mean you are definitely lucky if heaven is real, but if not, you're just lucky that you don't have to go through the sadness and pain that is real life. Whether it's marriage crap, or the heartbreaking mom stuff or just seeing the pain that other people are having to go through every day, I'm so tired of it.

I dreamed about you last night. We were at Mimi's house and someone was breaking in. It was a terrible dream, nightmare really, but we were able to get out ok as far as I remember. It's been awhile since I last saw you in a dream, and it was nice to see you, even if it was actually a nightmare.

I still think about the money that Nikki raised and how we need to do something with it pronto, but I don't know what to do. Can you help me? Send me a sign or an idea or something. I just want to do something that will make a difference and honor you the way you deserve. Plus, there are so many worthwhile options out there, how do we choose what's the most important? Help me!

Ok, well I don't really have too much to say other than we miss you. I miss you. Every day. And I need to talk to you every day. And my kids need you because they are growing like weeds and you would absolutely love playing with them. I envision them crawling all over you like a jungle gym. Ha ok enough with the rambling and enough with the tears…for tonight at least.

I love you!